m:burger

m:burger and I were supposed to be soulmates- how could we not? Its' sexy exterior first caught my eye while struggling up Drummond, and after checking out the menu, this hongray girl knew she needed to arrange a meeting.

Zagat rated, charity-driven (proceeds from your gluttony go to children) , and opened by the owners of Moishes Steakhouse, m:burger has everything going for it. It boasts rave reviews from the big Montreal dining guides, and claims to win over the most skeptical burger critic with its smorgasbord of fresh, 'palate-tempting' ingredients. These include fancy choices like grilled pineapple ($1.50), torta mascarpone ($3.25), cucumber mango relish ($2.00) as well as staples like cheddar ($1.25) grilled onions ($1.00), and bacon ($2.00). m:burger ups the bar (and pretentious factor) on the average 'build your own burger joint' by introducing the option of fresh truffle shavings (white or black) which can be used to dress a kobe beef burger and paired with imported wine.

While I was tempted by such fanciness (I too am susceptible to gimmicks), I opted to sample the basics- because if you can't get that right, what can you do, really? I was pleased to see a slider option comprised of three "AAA" beef burgers served on a brioche bun ($10.00) and was doubly thrilled when the waitress informed me that sliders could all be topped individually at 1/2 the price of original toppings. For those of us with co-morbidities of gluttony and ADD when it comes to eating, it's always a treat when people provide ways in which you can eat more of different things. So I ordered the trio, two of which I topped with caramelized onions and goat cheese (FYI: two of the same because I was greedy and knew I wouldn't share with hongray boy). The last was the classic to see if m:burger was up to snuff- basic cheddar. On the side, I ordered their fry basket (which included regular, sweet potato, and french fried onions), paired with a fresh citrus mayo for dipping.

When the burgers came, I was confused... I thought I had ordered toppings. Where were my onions? And more importantly where was my CHEESE? My first reaction was to blame the waitress, but to my horror- this was no mistake. Hiding between the "celebrity" moishe pickle and the meat was a light, almost transparent, glaze of goat cheese- textural analogy? like a layer of baby drool, possibly vomit. The fry basket was equally disappointing, and completely suspect. I know my fried items, and this tasted suspiciously like soggy leftovers. Other than that, there was nothing of note to rave or rant about. The meal was one big plateau, devoid of flavorful and textural highs.

Overall, m:burger just doesn't deliver on its' promises. The love affair is over. I understand shelling out money for that perfect bite, but m:burger isn't a tasting menu, its not omakase. It's confused. The decor, ambience, and 'mission' espouse a fabulous gourmet eatery while the food it delivers is straight up bad greasy spoon. This polarity is mirrored in the clientele; at the bar was 'Joe-bob' chugging beer, next to me, 'Svetlana' in Alexander Wang. A clientele this diverse is usually a sign of quality food, but in the case of m:burger, it's a clueless ad executive who pitched burger shoppe meets rave, causing mass confusion. Pop Tate goes clubbing. Do you like your burger with a side of Tiesto?


(to the left): The only good thing to come out of m:burger
apologies to vegetarians (p.s. this blog may not be for you)






Ratings:
Ambiance: Look at me, I am soo trendy.
Crowd: Confusing. Ginos in Ed Hardy, Joe-bob, fashionistas, students.
Price: Surreptitiously sneaks up on you with number of additions. Overpriced beverages.
Food: Fail.
Portions: Stingy with the good, too generous with the bad.

And the million dollar question...
Hongray for m:burger? NO.